John was rough. Some nights he picked fights. Others, he smashed a glass bottle against his neighbors wall shouting ‘fuck’ at the top of his lungs. One time he smashed a bottle against a man’s head and hurt him real bad. The man bled out of the top of his head like a volcano- got driven to the hospital and stitched up, and that was that. John never apologized. He said, apologies never stick. I went with him to the baseball game one night, and we sat in the nose bleeds. The crowd was quiet. It was 0-1 us at the bottom of the sixth, and I heard the peanut vendor behind me give a good yell to a man sitting by himself. The man looked beaten up, like a bum. He wore a marlins cap, and we didn’t even play the marlins. He chucked a dollar at the vendor and gestured for his peanut bag. All around us were empty seats. I wanted to ask him if he wanted to sit with us, but I knew that would make John upset. John didn’t like many people, except for a few. He liked me, and Jenny, but that was it. Jenny was his girlfriend. She had dark brown hair and really pretty eyes, like looking at a tiger or a hyena or something. She worked at the mini mart down the street. People liked her, especially John. They were probably gonna get married. I couldn’t say for sure, but something told me that John was in some deep trouble. The past few nights he wasn’t his normal self. He just sat there fidgeting, while we watched tv and joked around. Sometimes Jenny would look over but he just sat there staring off into outer space. I wonder what he was thinking about. Probably nothing at all. John was good at figuring people out, but he wasn’t some genius or something. I said good night to John and drove Jenny home. The car was freezing cold when we got in, outside it was 40 or so. There was frost on the windshield, and Jennys breath turned snow white when she coughed. I wanted to ask her about John, but it was too cold and I was too tired. Jenny lived with her folks in a condo by the park. Her room had a view of the playground. I stayed there one night, after she threw a party when her folks left for hawaii. John didn’t go. That was back when they didn’t always get along that well, and John was always getting jealous of her other guy friends. Not me, because I’m too young. But Jenny was always popular with the opposite sex. John just stayed in his room punching his bag those nights. I pulled up to the door and let her out. she gave me a kiss on the cheek and said see you later. She didn’t usually kiss me on the cheek. She seemed awfully cheerful lately, even with John an all. The school year was coming to an end. Jenny didn’t have any college plans. Neither did John. They were probably just gonna stick around like everyone else in town except for maybe two people who made it into state.
Late in 2015 I decided to make a very bold move towards a particular nameless woman. This woman (whose identity will not be revealed) currently resides in New York City. I hadn’t talked to this woman in sometime and so I went ahead and strapped my bootstraps on, and made a very blatant show of desire for her over social media. At that time, she had been taking strides with a particular gentlemen for a time of about 3 years, give or take. I had always had a strong passion for this woman. She’s elegant, sophisticated, playful and ambitious. Her boyfriend on the other hand seemed a bit off. Though he seemed like a good fit, there was a childish evil in his face that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. So, after sending her pokes and harmless messages on snapchat, I decided to wait until she came to San Diego to make a very public gesture of friendliness. However, before that happened, things got a little strange. Her first visit, she was bombarded with invitations on her insta and I couldn’t quite get a chance to invite her out. So I had to wait until her next visit which was about 6 months later. During this time, I started to feel a strange paranoia that I was being followed. I don’t have any history of paranoia or schitzo episodes so I knew that something was off. I started to receive very strange telephone calls to my home, from unknown numbers that sounded like gunshots. I also received strange emails and blank vans started to appear parked near my house. I couldn’t make heads or tails of anything but any idiot would be keen enough to know that it had to do with her disgruntled boyfriend. I knew he came from money; that would explain a lot, but the scale and power of hiring people to follow me and watch my every move was something sinister. I then concluded that he was connected to a powerful underground organization; either the cosa nostra or the cartel. I became interested in his reach of surveillance and paranoia and thereafter concluded that his father was a very powerful englishman involved in illegal trade organizations. I became frightened; terrified to be perfectly honest. I decided to lay low for a while and enrolled in a teacher training program that placed me in Santee, California where they couldn’t find me. I clenched my teeth in that program until my gums bled; Not only did I have an aversion to the small town isolationist NRAism of Santee, but I couldn’t stand to see my pride held down by some rich punk kid of a human trafficking dynasty. I became befuddled. I was beside myself trying to figure out how to get back into my normal rhythms while sticking the middle finger to this onslaught of dirty wealth and power. I stood my ground, fought through the fear and returned to regular life.
It was during this time that they broke up. I took a job at amazon and waited for my sweet darling to return to San Diego. She went to LA. I couldn’t believe it. There I was, waging war against the evil head of underground human indecency and wrath, and my little angel was boarded up in LA with equally abysmal debutants. I knew that if I came for her, his henchman would’ve gunned me down on that lonely strip of highway between here and LA. I couldn’t bear to delete myself without having seen her again in the warmth. I gritted my teeth again, this time chipping my teeth and nursing a festering wound in my heart and in my pride. I became sullen and my thoughts became grotesque and rampant with madness. The vans increased in number and my website suddenly crashed. All I wanted to was to see her face again.
To be continued…
Well, here’s the deal folks. Don’t do what I Did. Stalking is illegal in pretty much all states and just about anywhere you go. Even online stalking, which seems harmless, still is bad. Let me explain. It puts the person on the receiving end in an awkward position. They don’t know whether to entertain your interest or simply ignore it. It can be confusing to some. Not only that, it’s weird because it’s observation and observation is gay, apparently (don’t quote me on that, its what I learned as a literature major). All the great writers were gay, they told me. Anyway, if I really wanted to stalk someone, I’d probably get bored within the first half hour because how does it end? Not in any real positive situation I suspect. I mean, romance is a two way street. And stalking is usually one way, so yeah. I’ve solved the mystery. Why do we continue to do it? Well, I don’t know, about of immaturity, boredom and lonlieness. And maybe some regret. Or as Billie Joe ARmstrong would say ” you cant go forcing something if it’s just not right”. I guess I thought it would help me clear my intestinal problems that I’ve been having. Or maybe I thought it would bring me good luck, sort of like astronomical calendars. I hasn’t really brought me much, and most people just smell it on me now. And that’s too bad because I never meant to hurt anyone. As a matter of fact I only meant to say hi, but the person on the other end thought that I was proposing marriage or something. I wouldn’t propose marriage like that. I don’t know how I’d propose marriage, I Guess it would just depend on the circumstances. But I’m getting ahead of myself. I wanted to show that I was active on social media and then casually say what’s up on social media. But the problem was was that I don’t use social media at all. So, I just said fuck it i’ll just favorite one of their tweets. Well, this turned out to be a bad idea because apparently they have quite a large following of other twitter users. In no time at all the mob had diverted their full attention onto me. I felt very unwell as I hate being in the hot seat, even more than I hate watching football or talking about sports in general. I hate it very much but I didn’t quite no how to exit the situation. I’d never really done anything like this before, so I weighed all my options. Well, as soon as I faved them, I knew I’d fucked up. So what I did was I tried to play it off like I was really trying to get into using social media. I started tweeting regularly, about random stuff mostly, but I would retweet politics, weather, sports. Sometimes I would comment on daily journals or what have you. I’d even made a few followers. It all came at a tumultuous time in american political history because as I was firing off mad tweets, Donald Trump was announcing his bid as the republican nominee and I was so entirely confused as to the legitimacy of this announcement that I couldn’t think of anything to do other than watch as the United States of America descended into ‘fake’ apocalyptic sobriety. The American people were as confused as I was, I imagine. Obama needed a successor and the only two options were about as similar in rhetoric as Jon Stewart is to Glen Beck. So, I couldn’t help but pull my hair and bulge my eyes as I witnessed the media, the entire American media, point it’s spotlight directly onto the business mogul turned tv actor that we now call the president of the United States. Anyway, this is old news. He’s since won the election and much in the confusion of it all, many people will eventually lose their health care, homeless populations will rise, low cost labor will soar, the rich will get richer, the poor will get poor, and everyone else will remain in exactly the same tax bracket because we DONT LIVE IN NARNIA. the point I’m trying to make here is that you can call it stalking, you can call it obsessive, or ridiculous, I don’t care what you call it, but I won’t call that maniacal idiot MY PRESIDENT. There I’ve said it. If that makes me a communist, a gay boy, a poor loser, a childless mooch then at least I’ve saved my dignity for the moments that people will actually remember. Life is not a fashion contest. And it sure as hell ain’t a fucking high school dance. And if you think conservatism is good than you can go walk up 10 stairs in your favorite building and take a look in any direction. What saddens me most about conservatives, is that many of them are actually very good conversationalists. They are solid communicators, for this, I will say that. But, as well as know, being a good communicator doesn’t make you an expert on anything. Shit, Hitler was a great communicator (one of the best), Stalin aced his communication exams, Pol Pot, Columbus, Cortez – these guys were all great communctors, and do you know how I know? Because they got exactly what they wanted- no matter how fucked up and strange what they wanted was. Ok so, getting back to conservatism; It buys into an American dream. The American dream is a myth. Sure, you can come to the U.S., start a business and a family. Sure! YES! Hooray! It’s a beautiful thing! But, you’re not gonna get rich. You will never get rich, ever. Do you know why? Because THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS. Do you think the rich people in this country want to share their wealth? would you? – Ok, so there is no point in going around trying to act like one of these rich guys, because that shit just aint gonna happen. So do you know what you should do instead? You should fucking register to vote, and then you should go down to the fucking polls and vote for the person who is gonna tax THAT RICH WHITE ASS. That’s right, tax that asSSSSS. Do you know why we want to tax that RICH WHITE ASS??? BECAUSE that money is gonna come back to us. It’s gonna get me braces, acupuncture, lights in the park; its gonna get your kids computers and gadgets in school. it’s gonna get people paid higher salaries, it’s gonna keep kids out of trouble, its gonna make driving safer, it’s gonna make people happier because they are safer now. We are all living here together, so we might as well work together. No one is above anyone else.
- Set your clocks in the right direction. This means waking up early and getting to bed early. When I say early, I mean 9:30 lights out and waking up at 6:00 A.M. That’s a solid 9 hours of sleep.
- Show up for work EARLY. You want to get to work at least 15 minutes early every shift and I’ll tell you why. Because getting to work early shows that you want to work.
- Eat a healthy breakfast. A bowl of cereal is not a healthy breakfast. Healthy means grains, fruits, dairy and meat.
- The workweek is stressful, so make plans to leave town for a few days every couple weeks. Recharge your batteries and unwind somewhere new!
- Work is a great place to make contacts not just for covering your shifts while you hit up the pool party with the hot DJ but for finding solid references for your next big Jay – OH – BEE